From My Little Corner of the World: The Choices in my Life

A lot has been going on in my head and heart lately concerning the choices before me. For awhile I was tortured a bit over whether to send my son off to our neighborhood public school for Kindergarten. It seems like several of my friends who happen to homeschool assumed I was in the same boat too. It's not that I didn't consider it or see the merit in it. It just simply wasn't the best choice for right now. I was awake for some time one night feeling a bit panicky over whether I was making the right choice for my son. I really felt like God spoke to me and said, "Don't worry, it will be alright." I didn't get the impression that public school was the permanent answer, but rather Him reminding me that He is perfectly fit to guide and move me when I need it. He is SO good in that way. I love him so much, because he always seems to prepare my heart for when life takes a change.

I've also had the nudge recently to go back to work. I was teaching full-time before Nathan was born and enjoyed it. It was crazy too! To be honest with you, I can't imagine how in the world I can manage now with two kids - especially with the profession of teaching! However, my heart is moving in that direction even though I wasn't particularly seeking it. I have been a Christian long enough to know that is God at work in me. I can't explain only to know that he is once again preparing my heart for change. Why? I'm not sure. I have a little one who will not be two years old when I return to a position next fall. No, he won't be in daycare every day - my husband's work makes that possible. But, he will see less of me. That is something I worry about and wonder about.

Why am I writing this? Perhaps to just say, "Hey, this is my life." For better or worse I'm going to move in the direction I feel I am to go. It seems like in Christian circles (and any other circle)we alienate one another by being very outspoken concerning choices others make in their life. Yes, I'm convicted of it also at times. It's a good thing God is not like us. He gets beyond what seems to be "the only way" and makes a path that still leads others to Him and His goodness.

I came across an article recently from "Today's Christian Woman" that helps to open up dialogue such as this. It is focused a bit on the choice for Palin as V.P., but only as a springboard for a discussion about just what a woman's role is. I hope you find it thought-provoking.

http://blog.todayschristianwoman.com/editors/2008/09/where_no_mom_has_gone_before.html

It's the End of August and I'm Wearing Happy Easter Socks - No Recipe, Just Some Humor

Before my son Nathan was born I was teaching fourth grade. Some days I wished I was still waitressing instead of stressing about deadlines or field trips. Some days I wished I was cleaning the toilets like Beverly the custodian instead of dealing with a particular student's parent who was my thorn for the year. For the most part though my job was fulfilling and I really liked working within the professional realm.

But like I said, that was before children.

Now I’m sitting at the park with a 5 year old and 6 month old. I’m an older than average mom (46 to be exact – gulp.) It doesn’t help that my hair desperately needs a haircut and I’m wearing “Happy Easter” socks in August. What has happened to me? Well, I don’t have money for the haircuts I used to get because no one is paying me for staying home with the kids. However, I don’t really think there is any excuse for the socks. Any day now I expect to see Stacey and Clinton from “What Not to Wear” come and embarrass me in front of America. Actually, it would be my secret thrill to see them. Go to New York for a week and spend $5,000 on a new wardrobe? I think I could let them humble me for that. I think it’s a fair trade. At least then I could get a new haircut. However, there’s that 360 degree mirror segment. The waddle of a neck I have would be screaming to use that 5K for a neck-lift. That would do more for my self-esteem than purchasing clothing unfit to be worn while feeding the goats or changing poopie diapers.

Since I don’t think I’ll receive a windfall soon or visit a TV set, I think I’ll just go home and just change my socks.

From My Little Corner of the World: I’m Sending my 5 year old Celiac kid off to Kindergarten…

Time flies, doesn’t it?

I’ve known that my kids are going to grow up, but I didn’t really face that fact with my heart, only my head. I also didn’t know how much my heart could hurt for them.

In one short month, Nathan is going to be in Kindergarten. Just thinking about it causes my stomach to flip flop. He is such a busy kid. I hope he doesn’t try to wrestle in the classroom. I hope he doesn’t want non-stop attention from the teacher. I hope he can make it through the year without consuming gluten and having an accident in his pants.

If there is one thing I could do for him it would be to have the diagnosis of Celiac instead of him. A friend of mine recently commented (she was trying to sympathize with me) about how hard this has been for me to make all of these changes for him. While I do get discouraged with the whole gluten free baking/disappointment thing, I never really think about how hard my life is. I think about him and how in the world he handles seeing other kids eat things he can’t have. I think about him being different – and I don’t want it to be that way. I want it to all go away. But it’s not.

On the brighter side, his little country school has only 90 students total and they happen to already have a Celiac kid! Now that’s amazing – at least considering how few people are actually diagnosed. I received word back from the principal that his teacher would meet with me before the year starts to discuss what he needs. So far, so good… I’m really encouraged. Trying to explain Celiac disease to someone who has no knowledge base for it is difficult. On the surface they understand, but it takes much longer and more discussions for them to really get it.

I pray that we can navigate all of the Kindergarten things like parties and crafts and the lunchroom. It seems so overwhelming at times but I’m his mom and I gladly go through all of this for him. I pray for wisdom to walk that fine line of needing to teach him gluten is toxic to his body but also that life is more than what you can eat or can’t eat.

Being thankful helps. I’m thankful Lord that my son has a bright mind and can say “I love you.” I’m thankful that we really do have a plethora of food to choose from and the income to buy such food. I’m thankful that you put me in a position in life to become knowledgeable about this and be his advocate. I’m thankful that your Holy Spirit can help his heart in ways I can’t reach. I’m thankful that I can still pray for his healing and yet rest assured that if it doesn’t happen you haven’t made a mistake.

So, I’ll try to remember to be thankful.